The "Big Head" Theory...

     I was at my 1st real job, walking with my head high and my shoulders back down a long hallway. I was at Mary Immaculate Hospital in Queens N.Y. (now closed) A young woman about the same age as I was walking toward me up the same hall. This hall was amazingly long and narrow, which gave us plenty of precious seconds to admire each other's strides. As I got close enough to read the expressions on her face; I saw that she looked puzzled or perplexed. She had something on her mind and she looked like she was more than willing to give me a piece of it. Now close enough to speak at a normal talking volume, she said: 

"You walk like you can't look at the ground"  

We then passed one another. My left shoulder barely grazing hers. I let her words spin me around to look at her and say something clever. She never turned around. Not to wait for a reply, not to see if I was checking her out, not to acknowledge that an exchange even took place. She kept walking or dare I say strutting. She had the strut of a terrorist that just planted a bomb with the timer set for "in a few..." Even if she did turn around... what was I really going to say when I didn't fully understand the statement? I thought about this statement for a minute because it was a statement about my confidence. In that regard she was right. I was confident back then and I still am to this day. However, given her tone, energy, demeanor and putting her statement in context; I believe she'd mistaken my confidence for arrogance. This was my 1st taste of how women deal with arrogant men but it wouldn't be my last. In certain situations (mostly women of my past who never understood me or did not take the time to get to know me) there seemed to be a common theme. This "theme" would manifest itself in the form of a single statement that was repeated by every woman I've ever known. 

"I can't let your get a big head"

This statement never failed in leaving me scratching my head. I just couldn't comprehend why a woman would say that. (I was young) As I got a little older, I started hanging out in more "eclectic" social situations. I would watch how women would act towards the men they were interested in (or not) The statement would be said often no matter who the characters were. Women of all backgrounds, cultures and social position all seemed to say that statement to men they had some level of adoration for. 

Then I naively thought is was the Americanized women's answer to the man's "pimp" mentality. Where women starved a man's ego similar to the way a pimp would starve a woman's self esteem. Thus using it as leverage in a relationship as a form of control.

Let's digress...

Silly of me to think that "I can't let your head get big" was the female version of what pimps do to women. It was silly because even if it were true, it does not provide a motive for why a woman would do such a thing. My mother is a strong woman. I never had any example of a woman trying to "cut" a man down when I was younger. So then why would a woman feel the need to say such a thing. Pimps have money and the glamour of that lifestyle to gain. But what did the ladies have to gain? It would take a few more years for my wisdom to catch up. As I got older I realized that I owe women an apology. 

Yes ladies... I apologize.

Simply because I now know that they just don't build us guys like they used to. Many don't have honor, grit or resolve. Many don't have the "metal" we were once made of. So our egos aren't forged from bricks and mortar built with callous hands. The egos of most men are fragile, forged from wet paper bags, built with freshly manicured fingers. Many ladies have seen the following scenario a million times. Typically in the form of some beautiful woman taking care of her man quite thoroughly. She is just slightly out of his league yet she selflessly gives her love to him like they are equals. This love is displayed in any number of ways. It may come in the form of cooking, cleaning or educating. She may be his mentor on many topics or his spiritual guide, accountant or spokesperson. She may be the backbone of the family, the voice of reason, the calm feminine force to counter his hot headed testosterone. She may give him balance by introducing him to music, art or theater he would have never discovered had they not been together. Perhaps, along side that, let's say his woman was a modest lover when they met. Some women will go as far as taking classes on pole dancing, sexual exploration and fellatio. Going as far as a man wants to physically fulfill his desires. She may willingly be sexual submissive or sexually dominate. In any event, she is everything that her man needs. Unfortunately... the ego of most fellas interprets this display of love to be a direct result of the all mighty mojo. Believing himself to be so wonderful, so fantastic and so intimately proficient, his women will sacrifice her dignity for him. 

WRONG 

Any woman that would give any display of selfless love in any form is doing so because she desires to be loved that way in return. Many a selfless woman have met many a narcissistic man. So fellas, try not to be upset if she is reluctant to give you "props" fresh out of the gate. She needs to know that you have your ego in check and that you won't become the sum of her worst fears somewhere down the line. So don't blame her for believing in "The Big Head Theory" She doesn't stroke your ego the way you want it to be stroked? That's OK. She cares enough about you to not give you too much too soon. Relax... she wants you to stick around for a while. Don't forget... a general has to start out as a soldier before he can earn his stripes. Be humble and she will reward her general by making him King.

BLEU.